I Lost my running partner to cheese

There you have it folks, this sad, sad Thursday I regret to inform you that Krystina has decided to move back home to pursue a career in serving beer to very intoxicated golfers. You know that old saying, "Reach for the stars so if you fall, you land on a cloud"? Well this broad reached for the stars and landed in Wisconsin. I still think she is joking though, you didnt really move did you? I dont like surprises Krystina, just show your face, throw the party, and get this over with.

Anyway, so yes, Krystina will be training from home-intermittently between eating, tailgating, drinking, shooting up, and god knows what other desperate attempts for fun that state has conjured up. If you ask me, Wisconsin doesnt even exists, but what do I know.

OoOO. Ill tell you what I know. My new cool iphone app-"Cool Facts" has recently informed me that 25% of your bones are in your feet. Vewyy intewesting. This totally explains why 25% of my pain while running is in my feet. These sausage links were NOT engineered for running, Ill tell you that. They were engineered to be eaten in such an event that a plane crashes, and we are stranded in the Alps with no other source of sustinance... and we just so happen to also have some barbeque sauce.

Which brings me to my Memorial Day Purchase. New kicks! Im wicked excited about it. Although new shoes will not magically give me superhuman running abilities or improve my VO2 max whatsoever, they will provide me with the proper arch support that I need as my mileage gets higher-- Which, by the way, will be around the start of June. Without good sneakers your toenails will fall off. This is not a myth, this happens to a good chunk of people who run a marathon. Personally, I kind of love war wounds, scars, bruises, etc. so I actually hope this happens to me. War wounds mean youve been to war and lived to tell a story! And look! Instead of pictures I would like to show you my highly anticipated... fake acrylic toenail! My friend Jess sadly lost a toenail to an unruly soccer ball, and she got an implant! I didnt even know they made those, but oh do they ever and I, for one, cannot wait.

There's a reason cell phones don't fit in running shorts

So as I'm sure you've already read, mine and Amanda's run last night was brutal, nay, it was absolute medieval punishment. In fact, I would have gladly taken impalement right around mile 2.

Ok, ok, I know I'm exaggerating here people, duh. But seriously, I was miserable. Contrary to my little friend, the first mile was not all that bad for me. I felt pretty good and it was nice out and I thought my running tunes were pretty good. And then I hit what is referred to as the "proverbial wall." Right as we begun our ascent of what seemed to be the highest peak in Middletown, I started to lose it. My calves felt like they were burning and battery acid was running through my veins. I tried to keep my breathing regular but I couldn't even tell if that was helping. And after we finished climbing our fourth hill in a row, I was begging for mercy on the inside. I kept thinking, its such a good thing I don't have mobile, email, telegraph, or shit, even teleporting access because I surely would have somehow found a way to be picked up around mile 3. At this point, Amanda and I aren't even speaking and she is about 2 feet ahead of me. My spirits are down and my heartrate is up. I keep thinking, what am I going to do when it comes marathon time? And then I remembered that I am fully capable of doing this, I've done it before and I'll do it again. Running uphill isn't going away anytime, in fact, its going to get worse. I'm moving back home to my parents in a week to Wisconsin and they live in what seems to be the highest point in the city. The run we just did in Middletown started out at an elevation of 102 feet and the highest elevation we reached was 230 feet (above sea level duh). God, my mapping skills are really coming in handy here. Anyways, the relief was about 450 feet. Ok, sorry for getting side tracked but mapmyrun.com is really cool. Back to the matter at hand, where I'm going to be living is going to be even worse, the same 4 mile run is about 600 feet in relief, the minimum elevation is 614 feet and the maximum is 774 feet. Hopefully you all took Geology 110 and can figure out that only 160 feet of elevation with relief of 600 feet in 4 miles means your ass is running basically up and down hills...educate yourselves!

Now before I begin to get elevation shock, I have to remember that somedays are uphill battles and somedays are downhill battles...today is going to be a downhill battle. A two mile downhill battle. I may be defying the laws of physics, but I only plan on running downhill today.

Heart of an indoor cat

As opposed to my good friend Kevin Witkowski, whom Ive deemed a "lion" due to the sheer will and heart that his physical agility and indoor soccer skills thrive off of, I in fact no longer have the heart of a lion. I have the heart of an indoor cat. A shaggy, half shaven, toothless, indoor cat. I dont know when it happened, but Ive gotta get over this hump.

I came to this conclusion yesterday... well before our 4 mi run. At this point in training, I dont think that I should have to talk myself into going for a 4 mi run. I think I should just go bang it out and be done with it-- chalk it up as an "easy" day. Not yesterday. The first mile I was straight dragggggging. Just couldnt get in the groove. The second mile was not bad considering it was all uphill. Poor downtown planning, by the way. Id like to give a quit shoutout to the settlers of Middletown who I blame for this terrible, terrible urban city planning. Glad I got that off my chest. So yeah, the way home, was fine though- GREAT even, here's why.

It takes somewhere around 20 minutes (around 2 miles or more) for a bunch of awesome things to happen in your body. Without getting all sciency- It takes 20 min to warm up (ie, regulate breathing, set a pace, loosen up muscles, etc.). Thats a problem for me and it always will be. It is usually hard to get over that hump, but lately its just be extraordinarily hard, thats all. Ill get over it, though. You can say Im having a "Hump Slump" (haha).

When I tell most people my mileage and that Im training for a marathon the usual reaction is this- "Thats insane. Youre crazy. I cant even run 2 mi. I cant even run 1 mi."

Oh contraire my dear friends. Most people CAN just go out there and run... and run farther than they think, but they are in what I will now refer to as "2 mile denial". What they dont realize is that they CAN do it, it just sucks at first. It sucks for everyone. If i was in primo shape or in terrible shape- those first two miles feel exactly the same. Just killer. After that its smooth sailin. If people (and by people, I mean me) can just get over that initial reaction and get into a rhythm, its all good in the hood. Its not the same for everybody, and maybe not to the same degree, but the physiolgical reactions stand true.

The good part about this 20 min rule, is that this just so happens to also be the time that endorphins start kicking in, giving you more energy, a positive mindstate, and extra motivation. Good timing huh? For example, most of the time when I start my run, I have scowl on my face and am visibly tense. Lets just get this shit over with. Stupid sneakers suck. Stupid sidewalk, why dont they clean this shit up. By the time Ive hit my 3 mi mark, Im waving frantically at every neighbor and drug dealer I pass! Its just science.

So, while the majority of "training" is physical, for me, my focus right now is mental. Getting over the hump and training my mind to get over the wall so that I can be prepared to handle any mental opposition I might have. Any ideas are welcomed. Like, really welcomed. Holla.

Im sorry.

It appears that since Ive posted, a dark grey and very ominous cloud has drifted over my fellow blog minions; and for that- Im sorry. The people need me. If they cant turn to me, who can they turn to? What I just did was rude and thoughtless. It would be analogous to Barack Obama standing up in front of America, during a scheduled press conference and saying.

"(Sighhhhhh) I Just dont feel like it today, guys. I had a bad day, my puppy isnt eating, Its really hot out here, I didnt get much sleep, and Im just over it. Whats the point anyway. I hate being President".

I GUESS I can come up with something slightly more positive to say about the stupid Salmon River Run.

Around Mile 4, I was doing the horizontal shuffle (running more in a lateral movement, rather than actually advancing anywhere remotely forward) and a kind of amazing thing happened. I decided to give up on purposefully selecting my songs in an attempt to find any sort of inspirational beat and gave up. I just succumbed to whatever was going to come on because it didnt matter anyways. Well, it just so happened that a song I had actually just added the night before came on. I had never listened to it in its entirety before, but out of just sheer exhaustion, just let it run its course. (Pun not intended).

That song was Mates of State-Goods. Not your typical running song, but it was that day. As the indie soundwaves made their way into my cochlear business, I found myself actually happy to be running and remember having a minute of pure euphoria and was covered in goosebumps. (Later I realized this was probably the early stages of Heat Stroke, but it was cool nonetheless). As I was coasting down those trails, I thought to myself, this is why you run, and proclaimed to George, "Im back!"

George later told me that it was my very abrubt proclamation that carried him the rest of the way. There is a quote that Ive heard once that says, "Four legs can run longer than two" and
this is the epitome of that. You dont really realize how much your mood can affect your running partners mood, and how much you feed off eachothers energy. So when you pick a running partner make sure its someone who you can trust to carry you through the hard times as well as someone who is big enough to block you while youre squatting down to pee in a pile of poison ivy ridden leaves.

NOT a great day to be an American

I am of course speaking about May 9th, the day of the Salmon River Run. I know all of you probably have Refresh Cramp in your little pointer finger, so Im going to give you what you want, but Im not going like it.

Salmon River Run. Ohhhhh Salmon River Run. Where do I begin. This is unarguably the WORST run of my entire life. This probably explains why I haven't blogged about it yet. It took a few days to reflect, except that I didnt reflect. I havent even thought about it since. This is of course the perfect venue to dig deep into my cerebellum, so lemme just lay back on this couch and play a little word association game.

Comstock Covered Bridge= Dragons
Race Director=Suede covered, patriotic, fife players
Air Quality=Oh my god.
Race Course=ugh.
DNR= yes please.

Actually, I dont even want to talk about it*. Basically there are good days and there are bad days. Rarely do I have a run that is complete agony the entire time, but holy shit, this race defined devil territory. At one point I hoped that oncoming Park Ranger traffic would hit me. Even if it was at 5 mi per hour.

Princess Krystina over here and I plan to do a run tonight. Hopefully It will be so EPIC that it will totally negate and erase this from my memory. Because I dont really have the money for hypnosis, but if I have to resort to fundraising I will. Im not too proud.

*But, if you really need deets, please refer to George's very accurate and detailed depiction of the day's events, HERE.

Getting ahead of the game

So while my colleagues were busy taking on the Salmon River Run this past Saturday, I slept quietly in my feather topped mattress like the cuddly little puppy I am. I awoke around 10, stretched my paws and headed to the kitchen for my ritualistic cup of coffee, cream, no sugar. Upon stepping onto the balcony of my princess tower, I noticed it was cloudly, hot and arguably one of the most humid days of 2009 thus far. There was no way I was going to run in this shit. Plus my knee was really sore as usual. Its actually kinda cool because after working out, my left knee is significantly hotter to the touch than my right. Anyways, I had an inner argument about running for probably about an hour, just enough time for the caffeine to peak. To combat my split personalities on running, I decided to at least get my gear on to help persuade me away from the dark side. Holy shit, that was half the battle right there. I mean, how big of a pussy would I be if I just sat inside for another hour, took my running gear off and saddled up for a Keeping Up With the Kardashians marathon? NO! That was not going to happen. So as the battle raged on, I decided to map out a run to persuade me even more. Top that off with 20 minutes of serious stretching and a coating of BioFreeze and I was ready to hit the streets. And hit them I did. I nailed 3.27 miles in 27 minutes and you know what the best part was? My knee didn't feel like it was going to give out which means, yup, you guessed it, I'm turning into quite the runner here folks! So the lesson learned here kids is that this whole running thing is mostly in your head. If I believe I can run, than I can, nuff said. Oh, and training has a little to do with it I guess but if you put your mind to it, you can do it!

Runners never call the game.

About a year back I was inspired by a friend of mine who we will call Patrick Lesniak. (Identity not changed to enhance his already stellar reputation). Patrick decided that he was going to run the Boston Marathon, which many of you may know is at the end of April. I will give my fellow New Englander's a second for that to register.....

...."18 weeks, carry the 2... subtract 4....wait, a minute! That means they must train during the winter!"

You got it Seamus! I'll give you another second to process that one.

"Man that sucks. That must really freaking suck."

Yes. Yes it does. Now, I truly believe that I am a die hard little Nutmegger. Ill be the first to throw on my EMS gear and get into a one-on-one match with those little bitch snowflakes. I can take the cold. Pshh, if its cold, run faster, Right? But, I gotta draw the line when there's ice. I just don't do ice (unless its around my neck). Oh contraire for my boy Patrick over here on one winter day when he had to get 20 miles in. Schedule- not debatable- he bared the BLIZZARD of 2008 and god dammit he ran it! Wanna know what his reasoning was? Yeah it sucked, but if I can do that, I know can do anything. It cant get any worse than that.

God that's so badass. Anyways, ever since then I have sworn that I would never let the elements get in the way of a run. Which is why we ran in the POURING rain last night. In fact, took it a step further when Krystina and I faced the mean streets of Wesleyan in the midst of a statewide manhunt for an armed and dangerous killer. We studied the mug shot, practiced our ninja moves, and hit the streets. Man was that place a dead zone. Huh.

But yeah, as Krystina said below- Awesome run. Even more awesome hot shower. Taking tonight off as George and I have the Salmon River Run- 5.5mi tomorrow. Hope I dont fall on a pebble; Haven't ran on trail terrain in a while.